Stumbling

This past weekend I went on the Bethel Men's Retreat to Horsethief Reservoir, which is up by Cascade, ID, and had a great time relaxing with the guys. It was a great time to sit around the campfire, eat a lot of food, fish on the lake, and get to know the other guys at church. I realized that I am not alone in this process. There are other guys in the church, whom I have never talked to, that are going through some of the same problems that I am going through. At the same time, as men, we are not expressing our feelings but conversing with a common jocularity. There is the overwhelming sarcasm and lack of seriousness to each statement, and then it is back to talking about hunting, fishing, and killing. That's the way it is with guys, we sometimes just can't get serious with each other. We put up our walls in order to protect ourselves from being hurt or exposed. We somehow want to feel like we are invincible to the worlds problems. God would tell us otherwise. We need to lay it all out there at the foot of the cross and come to him.

This weekend felt like it came crashing down upon itself when I got back to Nampa. I had been praying about a position at a charter school for weeks. I had prayerfully considered a position teaching Life science and Biology at this charter school, and had applied to the position with the confidence that God was leading me in the right direction. I had conversations with the Director of Operations and got my application in as soon as possible (since they needed to fill the position). He was very encouraging and supportive of my prospects for the teaching position and said that I would be a good fit for the charter school. And that was the last that I had heard from him on the matter. I had received no news for two weeks. I was then told, informally, that the position had been filled by another person. I was dumbfounded. I began to question whether I had prayed about it enough and whether I was cut out for teaching. I had let the enemy in and work on my heart. I had started to think and say things that I would later regret.

When I get up in the middle of the night, I have to faintly search for any glimmer of light to find my way. I go stumbling through the dark to find my way and search for the light. Any light, no matter how dim can guide me on my path in the darkness. In this season of darkness there is a light that continues to shine on my path, leading me forward, and directing me in the right direction. The light is leading me away from the charter school (although it may lead me back) at this time, but I trust that God will continue to direct me in this journey. I am prepared for any trip that He is taking me on. May God continue to lead and direct your path this week.